Get The Daddy Chronicles -- A must read for any parent!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank so many who have supported this deeply personal and important project of mine, as it has gone far beyond my expectations!

For those of you who haven't yet had the opportunity to own a copy of The Daddy Chronicles, you can own it today for Only $10.

The reviews I have received from those who have read The Daddy Chronicles have been extremely touching to say the least.

I am currently working on Volume 2, so stay tuned!  I am also going to be posting more frequently to this blog, so be sure to subscribe.

Again, thank you so much for your support, and be sure to share this blog with other parents or soon-to-be parents.

I believe in the power of positive fathers, and I want to continue to spread that message all over the country!

The Daddy Chronicles:  $10.00

Order your copy of The Daddy Chronicles, Volume 1: Lessons from my Son today!

Finally, it is finished!

A true labor of love.  My book, The Daddy Chronicles, Volume 1: Lessons from my Son, is available for purchase!  Hurry and get your copy in time for Father's Day!

 

On Sale $10.00!

This book is a MUST READ for all parents, especially fathers.  It is the Father's Day gift that will feed a father's soul!  The Daddy Chronicles highlights the lessons our children are teaching us about ourselves, and how we can use what we have learned as fathers to become the Best Daddy Ever for them.

Mothers will appreciate the deep insights of what goes on in the mind of a father, and what they can do to support their child's father in becoming the Best Daddy Ever (BDE).

There isn't a single chapter in this book that didn't bring tears to my eyes as I wrote it.

Being a father has been the single greatest experience of my life, and I am eternally grateful to God that he entrusts me with such a responsibility.

In The Daddy Chronicles, you will discover:

• What is the true difference between a Father and a Dad, and why?

• What are the attributes of a BDE (Best Daddy Ever) and how you can be sure that you are one?

• Why EVERYTHING you do as a father, is affecting your children...whether they witness it or not!

• What your child should never learn from you, and how to avoid passing on this lesson.

• Why the image of Dr. Huxtable (The Cosby Show) actually does more harm than good

• For single mothers:  What your child's father wants...no...needs you to know.

• How to transmit a positive, calm and assertive energy to our children

• Why teaching our children how to pray is so important!

• How "generational curses" arise, and how to eliminate them! 

Get your copy today!

Its time that fathers take their rightful place as leaders of this generation.  Our young people are crying out for fathers, and men to be the examples in a world that has largely counted them out.  I want to let fathers everywhere know that it is never too late to begin the journey to being the Best Daddy Ever.  I want to also show my appreciation to BDEs everywhere, and encourage them to continue what is truly the most important work they will ever do.

This is Volume 1, of a multi-volume series dedicated to uplifting fathers everywhere.  I am so thankful for the overwhelming support that I have received for this project.  I just want my son to be proud of his dad.

Buy your copy today!  Signed by yours truly. 

God bless you all!

--Dame Malone

You can also purchase The Daddy Chronicles: Lessons from my Son, on Amazon.com beginning June 14th, however if you want a signed copy, or would like your copy earlier (in time to gift for Father's Day..hint..hint), you will need to purchase from this site.

How I can know my son's future, right NOW!

I know it has been some time since my last post...but I DO have to save something for the book, right? ;-)






We all want our children to achieve their highest goals and dreams in their lives. We, at least most of us, don't want their achievements in life to be limited by any outside force, whether it be society as a whole, cultural norms, race, gender, where they live, their friends and family, etc.  Most of us want our children to achieve greater things than we, as parents, have possibly ever imagined for ourselves.  


It is a humbling experience, when I begin to think about all the things my son could achieve in the future.  Fifteen years from now...what will he be doing?  Will he be addressing his high school graduating class, as the valedictorian, while his dad is watching in the audience...unable to maintain his composure...armed with 3 boxes of Kleenex?  


Thirty years from now, will he already have a job and a family? What hobbies and interest will he have then?  What would life and its experiences have taught him by that time? 


Fifty years from now, what would he have built?  Will he be a business owner?  Will he already be retired?  How many grandchildren will he have in 2061?


There are so many questions about my son's future that continually swirl around in my head.  However, there is one question that used to be on the forefront of all of the other questions, as I pondered Daniel's future.


Will I be around to see all of these things take place?


Allow me to again mention that the above, used to be a question in my mind.  It is not a question I have anymore.


Not because I have some reason to believe that I will live long enough to see, in person,  ANY of these events in which I imagine him participating. Neither is it because I have reason not to think I will live that long.  Nor would it be because there is any reason to believe that none of these events will happen...or that there would be some separation between my son and I, that would preclude me from being present at any of these occasions.   


Its not even because I think the question of whether I will be able to see my son's graduation, his mayoral run, his first book, or any other event after he becomes an adult, is an irrelevant question.  It a totally relevant question...and I would imagine that most parents wonder about these things from time to time.  


The reason I don't have that question in my mind anymore...is because I'VE ALREADY SEEN ALL OF THESE THINGS.


Now, please understand, I am no psychic or medium, neither am I in possession of any crystal-like ball, tarot cards, or any tool of the like...I've never even believed in astrology.


But yet I do KNOW, because I've seen it!


Allow me to briefly explain, how I can know this.  


Before my son, Daniel, was born, a couple of weeks before my wife and I at the time, found out that she was pregnant with him....I felt him.  Its difficult to explain exactly HOW I felt him...or describe what that feeling was like, but I indeed felt his spirit inside of me. 


The best way I can describe it is like an emotion.  But an emotion like none I had felt before, so I didn't know how to process it.  It was a very deep emotion and very strong...kind of like being extremely happy about something, or deeply saddened...however this emotion was nothing like those.  The closest I can liken it to, was a deep encouragement.  Sort of like the feeling you would get if someone you admired and respected a great deal, came up to you and told you how they had noticed something wonderful about you that you perhaps did not realize...and they encouraged you with the most incredible and inspiring words you can imagine.  It felt something like that emotion.


But when I felt my son's spirit, I didn't hear any words...I only felt his name...Daniel....along with his spirit.  I was sitting down and I could feel his entire life flash inside of me in an instant.  Keep in mind that we not trying to get pregnant...well...we weren't not-not trying either, but you get the point.  We hadn't even discussed the possibility of her being pregnant with our son.  But a few weeks later when we found out she was pregnant...I knew he would be a boy...and I knew that his name would be Daniel.


Again, I don't believe that this is anything clairvoyant...or mystical...just that there is so much of me inside of him, and vice versa, that after he was conceived, I could not help but to feel his presence.  


And as for the events in his future...his accomplishments...his stumbles...his recoveries...his achievements of goals beyond any his father ever dreamed of...


I know my son's future, because I know that as his father...I will always tell him that he can do ANYTHING he wants and that he never has to be afraid of ANYTHING.  I will never, ever leave him alone, or let him forget for one minute that he is the most important thing that has ever happened to me.  I will never stop telling him that if God never blesses me with anything else, it would have been enough, because I was blessed my son.


I know his future, because even now, I still have to fight back the tears (a fight I rarely win) when I look at him, or when I think about him...or especially when I write about him. 


I know his future, because every book he has in school, his daddy will have one at home, and he will understand how important his education is.


I know his future, because when his daddy tells him that he's going to do something...that's exactly what his daddy does.


I know his future, because I will never make him feel unimportant, or as an afterthought.  I know his future, because no matter what, I will always honor, love and respect his mother, and will always keep an open back seat for my ego.


I will tell him that you share this world with everyone else...but your world belongs to you...make sure its a beautiful place!




Of course, Daniel is only 3.5, so for right now, instead of high school and college graduation speeches, mayoral runs and leadership awards...its jumping remote-controlled monster trucks off of top of the stairs with his daddy.


And that's just fine with me....

Daniel..wins the Championship...and teaches Daddy another lesson.

As I am sure you know, 3-year olds are a bundle of pure energy.  It’s amazing how much energy little boys and girls have inside, and it’s never more apparent than when they are at play.  Watching your child at play is an experience of pure joy, but playing along with them, can also bring you new revelations about life....and about yourself.  

My son and I were playing football in the house this past weekend.  Normally we’d go outside for such an activity, but it was pretty cold, so inside we stayed.  We were playing catch with a soft football in the living room, and as was frequently the case, he wasn’t catching most of my tosses to him.  Actually, none of them.  He has this tendency to jump upwards while trying to catch the ball, with his hands spread wide apart.  Of course, the ball would bounce off of his hands, or he’d miss it completely.  Now, big round balls pose no problem for Daniel, as he’s mastered catching those, with ease.  However, footballs have been somewhat of a challenge, up to this point.  Sure, daddy isn’t Peyton Manning out there, but my spirals are pretty tight, I’ll have you know!  As Daniel would miss each catch (from his dad’s golden arm), he never seemed to be bothered by it in the least bit.    

His constant laughter was just as pure on the 20^th dropped pass, as it was on the first...and his enthusiasm never waivered.  

Now, I could have made my throws easier to for Daniel to catch, by standing a foot away and tossing the ball to him in a soft, underhanded motion, but where’s the fun in that?  In my mind, you practice how you play...and they don’t throw underhanded in little league football, or in the NFL for that matter, so we don’t do it in the house.   Plus, I believe that young children, adapt to challenges much more easily and much quicker than adults.  They learn from challenges...and obstacles...so much better that we do, because they aren’t confined to the same constraining “rules” that adults have learned over the years.  And my son certainly proved that fact to me during this particular play session.

We started with throws from about 6 feet apart, and he missed every catch.  But then...instead of wanting to move closer to catch the ball more easily...Daniel ran to the other end of the room, and said, “Throw it Daddy!”...so I begin to throw my perfect spiral passes to him (well...most of them were), from about 25 feet away, and as before, he’d miss every catch.  So after about, 20 more “perfect” throws and 20 more misses...he still wanted more.  And then I thought to myself....well, in real football, the wide-receiver doesn’t just stand out there and wait for the quarterback to throw the ball.  They run a “route”, from the line of scrimmage, get open, and then catch the ball.  So, since that’s how the game is played, I decided that instead of making it easier for him to catch the ball, I would “up the ante” and add some “route running” to our play.  

So, I would have Daniel stand next to me (on the line of scrimmage), and told him to run across the room after I said “hike!”... he’d turn around, and catch the ball.

I would call out a play...just like in a real football game, like the one’s we’ve watched together many times before... ”Blue 48...Blue 48...Play-Doh, Play-Doh...hut...hut...hut...HIKE!”  And Daniel would take off running (but not before I said “hike”...when I said “hut”, he didn’t move...which I thought was amazing), and after about 10-15 feet, laughing and smiling the whole time, he’d turn around, as the ball was already in the air.....reach to catch it....and miss it.

We did this over and over again, and I could tell that even a high-powered toddler like Daniel, was getting a bit tired.  I said to him, “Daniel, are you ready to stop?”  He said, “No, Daddy...throw it!” as he would line up once again, on the line of scrimmage...next to me.  (Heart of a champion!)  Now, this little man was really tired...as at this point he’s already run about 20 wide-receiver routes consecutively...after missing about 30 passes before...but at no point was he ready to quit...and daddy wasn’t going to stop either...we kept going!  

He was determined to catch a running pass...but I was beginning to think that perhaps I was making it too difficult for him.  So I was going to try it this way...one more time, and then go to tossing the ball underhanded to him from about 2 feet away.  But before I did that.. I wanted to get Daniel’s route running on tape...so we could study his technique in the “film room” later on.  So I pulled out my phone...and I said to him...”Ok, Daniel...this if for the championship...I’m going to film you...everybody is watching...we have to score now!”  He’s so amped up by this time (my son loves the camera), he’s almost flagged for lining up in the neutral zone...and I had to move him back to the line of scrimmage.  This was for all of the marbles....and here is what transpired...

Ok, ok, I know...I got a bit excited there at the end...borderline fanatical...but what can I say...I love being a dad!

I’m learning so much about myself....just from interactions with my son.  In this instance, he reminded me of what I know so well...but sometimes forget...you have to keep on pressing...even if you haven’t succeeded the last 50 times you’ve tried...it doesn’t even matter how many times you’ve failed...count it all as practice...as preparation for when the spotlight is on, and it’s your time to shine!  Your focus, determination, and faith...will make you victorious!

I don’t think Daniel even remembered dropping any of the previous passes...he was focused only on what he needed to do RIGHT NOW.   And no, the road isn’t always going to be easy for us...but those challenges and obstacles only make us stronger...and more determined... the ingredients of WINNING in the first place!  And the victory is so sweet!

Daniel’s Dad

Crime and Punishment--How do you feel about spanking? (Questions at the end)

I realize that corporal punishment, (i.e. spanking, popping, hitting, whooping, etc.) can be quite a controversial topic, indeed.  Every parent has their own method of discipline when it comes to their child, and in most cases, a parent's method of disciplining their child is based, in large part, to how they themselves were disciplined while growing up....not to mention the differences in discipline we see based on culture, race, ethnicity, environment, social status, income, education level, etc..


We also know that there are differences in how a child is disciplined, based on whether that child resides in a two-parent or single-parent home, or being raised by someone other than the biological parent.  There is also the issue of appropriate discipline in mixed family homes, where there may be a step-father/mother (or boyfriend/girlfriend) in the home with the child...which can sometimes result in disagreements between the biological and non-biological parent, as they may have different philosophies of how to discipline a child.  Complicating the matter still, in many two-parent homes, one parent may willingly or unwillingly bear the responsibility for all child discipline within the home.


With the understanding of the different variables involved with child discipline, my goal here, is not to tell others how to best discipline their child.  As a parent or guardian, you, obviously have to make the decision that is best for you and your family, based on all of the factors involved, that are specific to your family's situation.  However, it is beneficial for any parent or guardian, to put their discipline methods into proper perspective, when considering whether those methods are helpful or harmful to the child in the short or long-run.  

As a dad, on my journey to being the best dad I can be, I've also found it helpful to use those different perspectives, when considering my own upbringing as it relates to my  discipline and punishment as a child, and ask myself questions about how my upbringing affected the way I deal with my own child.  I personally, have learned a great deal from the flashbacks...eh, hem...I mean...from reflecting on the discipline I received from my parents, when I was younger.  As a parent, I find it critical to take an open-minded approach, to the reflection of your own childhood, and consider if and how it has molded you and your parenting methods today.  When you ask yourself some straight-forward questions, you may come up with some interesting answers...which may lead to some conclusions about yourself, in which you were previously unaware.


As someone who has lived in a two-parent home.... a single parent home (after my parents divorced)....and then having a step-father (after my mom remarried), I (like many others who grew up in a myriad of environments) had my own perspectives on what child-rearing and discipline entailed.  Growing up, regardless of the scenario in which I found myself, my mother was always the primary disciplinarian in our home. And when I say "primary disciplinarian", what I should say, is that my mother was judge, jury and  executioner of a backside (or any other side within reach), when it came to disciplining my brother and I.  Basically, mama didn't take no mess.  I'm sure many of you can relate the type of discipline I am alluding to, without me going into too many details (more flashbacks), but our upbringing was common to what you would see growing up in the South, especially in an African-American home.  

Growing up, I don't recall ever "talking back" to my mother...and if I did...I'm sure there is a reason why that particular memory is wiped away...as my mother was not shy about assisting in wiping those memories away with whatever was handy (belt, hanger, cord, etc.).  My brother and I, were quite well-behaved (really...considering what a lot of the other kids got away with)...as there was no other option available.  We dared not "act up" in school, or in church, or anywhere else...at least not to the degree that our mother would be made aware...because once she was aware of any behavioral issue on our part...that was your a**.  If I or my brother did get into trouble, there was no such thing as mama sitting either one of us down and giving us a "strong talking to", and only that.  There was no such thing in our home as "counseling-only". Any "counseling" was intermittently wrapped inside of the corporal "session" you were receiving at the time, and was more direction than counseling.  All questions asked by mama, during these "sessions", were of course, rhetorical....but you had better answer them!  It seemed to add a bit of a psychological twist to the punishment.  I wouldn't go as far as calling them trick questions...but they certainly weren't easy for a child to answer.  Questions like, "why did you get a 'C' on your conduct grade?!", didn't lend itself to an answer that wouldn't make mom angrier than she already was.  However, we did learn that..."I don't know" was an absolutely unacceptable answer, that would intensify your punishment exponentially.


Looking back on it, I cannot be more appreciative of how my mother raised us, especially after what she had previously gone through for nine years with of an abusive marriage, and as a single-parent having to raise twin boys in a new city...essentially having to start her life all over at the age of 29.  She would always tell us, "I need you to do as I say the very first time I tell you...you could be in danger and don't realize it...but I see it."  I owe a tremendous amount of gratitude, to the upbringing we received from our mother, as my brother and I turned out pretty well.


However, (and if you know me...you know there is always a "however" in just about everything) now, as a parent myself, reflecting on how I was disciplined as a child, I cannot help but to look at some things that happened in my upbringing, as examples of what I would not do with my own son, but not only because the circumstances in which he is being raised, are so much different from my own upbringing.  There are some things I won't do, simply because I know the negative affects....personally....and there are many cycles I needed to break when I became a parent.  

We incorporate some particular methods of how we were disciplined, in how we discipline our own children,...while other methods, we choose to discard, as we learned that some of those methods, did more harm than good in the long run.  It isn't about blaming anyone, as our parents, in most cases, were just trying to do what they thought was right, as we all are now, and they only knew how to deal with situations requiring disciplining of a child, based on their own experiences growing up.


But, I think that's precisely where we should focus, and ask ourselves a some questions.

If it was "good enough" for me growing up, does that automatically mean that it is appropriate for my child?  

If my child is having discipline problems (at home, school, etc.), do I understand the source of those issues?  


If you use corporal punishment to discipline your child, do they fully understand WHY they are being punished?  Did you understand why, as a child?


As a parent, what negative behavior from your child,  is "worthy of a whupping"?  Is it virtually the same behavior as when you were a child?  How do you deal with those situations differently, now?  Why?


If you've received corporal punishment as a child, do you feel that it made you a better person?  A better parent?  

Is it possible to have a disciplined child without spanking them?


If you have ever struck your child while disciplining them...was the force in which you struck them, based on your level of anger at the time?

Do you feel that excessive corporal punishment can lead to aggressive behavior in a child, later in life? What exactly is "excessive" in your opinion?


Looking back, have you ever used corporal punishment, when other forms of punishment would have yielded the same or better results?  Why did you resort to spanking?


I would love to get your take on some of these questions....please feel free to comment below.  Thanks.


Dame