We all want our children to achieve their highest goals and dreams in their lives. We, at least most of us, don't want their achievements in life to be limited by any outside force, whether it be society as a whole, cultural norms, race, gender, where they live, their friends and family, etc. Most of us want our children to achieve greater things than we, as parents, have possibly ever imagined for ourselves.
It is a humbling experience, when I begin to think about all the things my son could achieve in the future. Fifteen years from now...what will he be doing? Will he be addressing his high school graduating class, as the valedictorian, while his dad is watching in the audience...unable to maintain his composure...armed with 3 boxes of Kleenex?
Thirty years from now, will he already have a job and a family? What hobbies and interest will he have then? What would life and its experiences have taught him by that time?
Fifty years from now, what would he have built? Will he be a business owner? Will he already be retired? How many grandchildren will he have in 2061?
There are so many questions about my son's future that continually swirl around in my head. However, there is one question that used to be on the forefront of all of the other questions, as I pondered Daniel's future.
Will I be around to see all of these things take place?
Allow me to again mention that the above, used to be a question in my mind. It is not a question I have anymore.
Not because I have some reason to believe that I will live long enough to see, in person, ANY of these events in which I imagine him participating. Neither is it because I have reason not to think I will live that long. Nor would it be because there is any reason to believe that none of these events will happen...or that there would be some separation between my son and I, that would preclude me from being present at any of these occasions.
Its not even because I think the question of whether I will be able to see my son's graduation, his mayoral run, his first book, or any other event after he becomes an adult, is an irrelevant question. It a totally relevant question...and I would imagine that most parents wonder about these things from time to time.
The reason I don't have that question in my mind anymore...is because I'VE ALREADY SEEN ALL OF THESE THINGS.
Now, please understand, I am no psychic or medium, neither am I in possession of any crystal-like ball, tarot cards, or any tool of the like...I've never even believed in astrology.
But yet I do KNOW, because I've seen it!
Allow me to briefly explain, how I can know this.
Before my son, Daniel, was born, a couple of weeks before my wife and I at the time, found out that she was pregnant with him....I felt him. Its difficult to explain exactly HOW I felt him...or describe what that feeling was like, but I indeed felt his spirit inside of me.
The best way I can describe it is like an emotion. But an emotion like none I had felt before, so I didn't know how to process it. It was a very deep emotion and very strong...kind of like being extremely happy about something, or deeply saddened...however this emotion was nothing like those. The closest I can liken it to, was a deep encouragement. Sort of like the feeling you would get if someone you admired and respected a great deal, came up to you and told you how they had noticed something wonderful about you that you perhaps did not realize...and they encouraged you with the most incredible and inspiring words you can imagine. It felt something like that emotion.
But when I felt my son's spirit, I didn't hear any words...I only felt his name...Daniel....along with his spirit. I was sitting down and I could feel his entire life flash inside of me in an instant. Keep in mind that we not trying to get pregnant...well...we weren't not-not trying either, but you get the point. We hadn't even discussed the possibility of her being pregnant with our son. But a few weeks later when we found out she was pregnant...I knew he would be a boy...and I knew that his name would be Daniel.
Again, I don't believe that this is anything clairvoyant...or mystical...just that there is so much of me inside of him, and vice versa, that after he was conceived, I could not help but to feel his presence.
And as for the events in his future...his accomplishments...his stumbles...his recoveries...his achievements of goals beyond any his father ever dreamed of...
I know my son's future, because I know that as his father...I will always tell him that he can do ANYTHING he wants and that he never has to be afraid of ANYTHING. I will never, ever leave him alone, or let him forget for one minute that he is the most important thing that has ever happened to me. I will never stop telling him that if God never blesses me with anything else, it would have been enough, because I was blessed my son.
I know his future, because even now, I still have to fight back the tears (a fight I rarely win) when I look at him, or when I think about him...or especially when I write about him.
I know his future, because every book he has in school, his daddy will have one at home, and he will understand how important his education is.
I know his future, because when his daddy tells him that he's going to do something...that's exactly what his daddy does.
I know his future, because I will never make him feel unimportant, or as an afterthought. I know his future, because no matter what, I will always honor, love and respect his mother, and will always keep an open back seat for my ego.
I will tell him that you share this world with everyone else...but your world belongs to you...make sure its a beautiful place!
Of course, Daniel is only 3.5, so for right now, instead of high school and college graduation speeches, mayoral runs and leadership awards...its jumping remote-controlled monster trucks off of top of the stairs with his daddy.
And that's just fine with me....
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