Lesson from my son: Take time to appreciate the beauty in everything around you!

After picking my son up from his daycare, there were several stops I had to make, and I wanted to hurry and get those errands done while it was still daylight, and before the weather got bad, as storms were forecast for later in the evening.  As I’m driving from the daycare, stuck in a line of traffic on the way to the grocery store, I look in my review mirror, and I see Daniel looking out the window with his eyes gazing upward.

I ask, “What are you looking at Daniel, the sky?”  “Yes”, he says, “those clouds are white…and those are gray.”  He goes on, “those leaves are red and yellow”, as he pointed to some trees lining the street.   I said, “Yes, Daniel, that means its fall, the leaves turn yellow and brown and red, as the season changes to fall….see, we get less light from the…”  Daniel interrupts, “That’s MY leaf right there, Daddy”, as he points out the window at a particular yellowish-reddish leaf, nestled between some a group of green leaves on one of the trees, “which one is YOUR leaf, Daddy?”

Immediately understanding the significance of this conversation, I paused, looked at the line of trees, and pointed to another yellow leaf on the same tree, “that’s MY leaf right there, Daniel”, I replied, to which he stated, “those leaves are ours, Daddy”.

Now, totally oblivious to the traffic jam, the errands I needed to run…in all of my haste to hurry, rush, avoid the storm, get to the grocery store…hurry while there, get to the mall…hurry while there, hurry, hurry, rush, get there, get to the next place…etc., I paused in appreciation of the beautiful trees and sky all around me, and in gratitude for another wonderful connection I made with my son, and yet another lesson he has taught me.

As we parked at the grocery store, I got Daniel out of the car, and instead of taking my hand as he normally does, and walking toward the store, he stopped, walked 2 feet over to the curb next to the car, where a pile of yellow leaves were lined around it.  He began to laugh and shuffle his feet in the leaves, and had a smile on his face that would melt the polar ice cap.  “Look, Daddy…leaves!”  Again, I forgot all about the store, and what I had to do, and where I had to go.  I walked over to Daniel and began to shuffle my feet in the leaves along with him.  And in that 30-seconds, I remembered, that THIS was life…and not the hustle and rush of my so-called “have-to-dos”.    

The Lesson:

In our daily rush, to get here and there in this world, it is so important to pause and really experience the beauty that is all around you every day…which we often take for granted…because we are so used to it…we’ve seen these things so many times before.  But everything is so new to a young child, and they cannot help but look in awe at the beauty all around them.   They cannot help but pause and experience as much of it as possible.    While I was trying to teach my son about the seasons, and why they exist, the better lesson was, “Yes, those are our leaves…see the colors and how beautiful they are!” and, “Daniel, when you see those leaves…how do they make you feel?”  

Dads…along with the lessons of reading, math, how things work and why…we should be sure to instill within our kids, the deeper lessons of experiencing beauty, loving all of creation, not taking things or people for granted, gratitude, how to understand your feelings, etc.  I believe these lessons, help children exponentially, especially later in life when it comes to dealing with obstacles, leadership, appreciation and gratitude.

Like Father...Like Son

My son's birthday party (3 years old) was this past weekend, and it was an absolute blast!  However, about halfway through the party, while the other kids were screaming for more cake, more pizza, spilling juice, and other various displays of excitement, I noticed my son had grown a bit somber.  He didn't look sad or anything, but he got very quiet and rested his head on the table.  His mother and aunts kept trying to get him to eat some pizza or cake, but he kept saying he didn't want any...not that it stopped them from continuing to offer.


They kept asking him what was wrong and if he was ok, and he just nodded "yes".  Still, they tried to appease him and lighten his seemingly "down" mood...calling his name, smiling, joking, taking pictures...but he still remained somewhat stoic.


I was sitting next to him...cool as a cucumber...because I understood.  Daddy knew.  There was nothing wrong, and nothing to worry about.


My thoughts immediately went back to my 4th birthday party.  I remember it quite vividly.  My twin brother and I had a HUGE party in the backyard of our house back in Prichard, Alabama.  All the kids from the neighborhood were there...my grandfather was making homemade ice cream (with the crank and the dry ice...not the electronic stuff you have these days)...everyone was running and playing and jumping around...except for me.  I spent the majority of that party sitting in a chair with my head on the table...watching the other kids play.


And no...there was nothing wrong.  I can't tell you why I was so quiet and reflective for such a monumental occasion as a 4 year-old's birthday party...also known as...THE BIGGEST JAM OF ALL TIME, but I just had a calmness and stillness that enveloped me, as I watched the other children.  I was totally content and enjoying myself thoroughly...just in my own way.


So I understood, when Daniel got quiet and reflective.  There was nothing wrong...he was just taking it all in.  Daddy understood.  It was a lot to take in all at one time.  All the attention, the hugs, kisses, music, playing, etc.  He told me..."Daddy, I want to go bye, bye."  I said to him..."I understand Daniel...we can go bye, bye, but don't you want to open your gifts first?" I pointed over to the table that had all of his presents...and immediately his demeanor changed as gift after gift were brought to him...and just like that, he was back into HYPE-MODE.


I've found it so important on this journey of fatherhood, to remember how I felt when I was a child...and remembering those feelings as I relate to my son.  In so many ways, I am still that 4 year-old in the backyard observing everyone else....while sitting back and reflecting on everything going on around me.  Now, I know why it happened. 

My son has no idea, but he's teaching me more about myself than I ever knew. 

Daddy

The Greatest Title I'll Ever Have

Today is my son's 3rd birthday, and as I reflect on how the last three years have changed my life so much, an awesome feeling a gratitude envelopes me.  Being a father is by far the most important thing in my life, and that's so different from just a few years ago.  Five years ago it was my career and my material possessions that held court over my mind most of the time.  My goal was to move up the corporate ladder, with more responsibility...more power...more authority.  I wanted all those long hours in undergrad and graduate school to be justified by my status in Corporate America and in my paycheck.  My sense of who I was as a person, was tied primarily to my career, along with my internal value.  I was important because I had a title next to my name that someone gave me and was on my business card.   That seems so long ago now.


These days the only title I care about is the one that will never show up on a business card, and the one that no one else has control over...my title these days is "Dame Malone -- Daniel's Dad", and its the highest, most influential, most powerful, most enlightening and most responsible title I've ever or could ever have.  The only title that means anything to me, because it best describes who I am.


And you can't beat the pay that comes with that title.  When he smiles....when we laugh, play, sing, sleep, read together...my compensation is beyond what I could have ever imagined.  And I just want my title, "Daniel's Dad" to be justified by my actions as a father...his father...every day, going forward, instead of who I was, what I did, and how hard I worked before.

Yes, he's going to have a party with all of his friends, and schoolmates, and with plenty of cake, and pizza, and birthday hats, and he'll get plenty of gifts and will be in a total frenzy of laughter and playing.  But one of his greatest gifts, is one that he won't be able to fully recognize at 3 years-old...not when he's 13, or even 23...but when he is 30 years old and probably has his own son or daughter that's celebrating their 3rd birthday...he'll then recognize more fully...how important his father was in his life, and we'll look each other eye to eye, and he'll also more fully understand how important he was, has been and always will be to me.


Happy Birthday my dear son.  I love you more than words can describe, and I just want you to be proud to be my son every day of your life, as that is the greatest gift a Dad could ever receive on this earth, and one that I will spend my entire life...earning. 

Daddy Tips: Don't just READ the story....BE the story!

I noticed that I can keep Daniel's attention on any story from any book, especially new one's, if I make sure I do a few things, perhaps you may find some of these helpful:


1. Read every children's book to yourself first before introducing it to your child: 

Doing this allows you to pay special attention to the different characters, their roles in the story, and their behavior.  This helps me to use different vocal tones and voices for each character in each situation.  For example, in one of my son's books, Dewey Does It, one of the characters is a turtle, Marty.  Now, as adults, when we think of turtles, we think of a slow, methodical, wise animal.  So when I'm reading this story to Daniel, when I get to Marty's part, I will speak in a SLOOOW, draw-out tone...something like Snuffy from Sesame Street, but not quite as boring and sleepy.  By taking some time to read the story first, and knowing the gist of the story and a feel for the characters, I'm better able to do the next thing....


2.  Let your voice BE each character:  

Use what you learned from reading the story first to deliver the proper vocal inflections based on the story.  I'm not saying you have to even use a different voice for each character, but if the story is going through a sad part...then use a sad voice....if people are playing...then have a more upbeat energetic tone...if someone is doing something mean...then speak in a tone that helps your child understand that something "not good or not nice" is happening here.  It really get's them riveted into the story and they learn so much more about what is happening.  

Babies and young children learn primarily from their senses (touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell), and this is what they use to understand the world while they are developing their ability to understand theirs and others' emotions and behavior, and apply them to situations.  I've found my son's hearing sense to be very strong in regards to his learning and development. So I use that fact when reading stories to him, by really exaggerating my voice throughout the story, based on what's happening, who's talking, and what they are doing.  Part of this is for me, because it makes the story so much more fun when I read it, especially if its the 347th time I've done so.


3.  Let them see how excited you are to read to them!  

I can't emphasize this enough, your child's interest in ANYTHING will be at least partially based on their perception of YOUR interest in it.  Show them that you are EXCITED about reading to them, and this is a FUN thing to do.  If you show excitement, they will do the same, and equate reading to FUN...and you know how much they like stuff that's fun!

4.  Stimulate multiple senses:  

While reading the story, try to make eye contact with your child when you get to certain areas in the story where facial expressions can bring them a more complete understanding of what emotions are being felt.  Happy and exciting parts= Happy and excited face.  Sad parts = Sad face.  Parts where a character is confused, or doesn't know = Use your confused face.  That way you are stimulating more of their visual in a 3-dimensional way, versus just them looking at a 2-dimensional page in the book. 


Use your whole body.   When something is BIG...show them BIG by perhaps stretching out your arms, and adjusting your vocal tone.  When something is small, make tinier movements with your fingers and speak a bit softer.  Guide their hand to something on the page that is small or big or high or low...and follow up with corresponding movements of your hands, feet, arms, legs, etc.  This is sooo much fun and really makes a difference.  We all learn better (and faster) when we have multiple senses stimulated at the same time.


Whatever way you do it...the most important thing is that you are READING to you child.  Their development in school and their ability to retain information, process it, and make decisions for themselves comes back to this!  So Dad's read to your son or daughter as often as you can.  Even if you and your child are not in the same place, you can still read to them over the phone. Where there is a will there is a way!

The Daddy Chronicles: Lesson #1,452

Do not allow your 3 year old son to hold the 20 oz bottle of Sprite while you two are in the store. No matter how many times he tells you "I got it Daddy...I'll hold it". Just know that it WILL get opened, he WILL take it straight to the head, and it WILL be spilled all over the floor in the store. 

Lesson #1,453:  When #1,452 happens, quickly leave the scene of the crime before before detected.

Every situation is a learning opportunity for your son. And for you.

A little over a year ago my son, Daniel, and I were about to board a plane to Birmingham, Alabama.  He had flown once before with his mother, but this was his first time with daddy, so I was somewhat nervous, and he was nothing close to it.  As we sat in our seats, I thought this to be a good opportunity to teach him some things about airplanes.  Even though he was only 2 years-old at the time, that never stopped me from talking about some really complex stuff...only breaking it down so that he could understand.


I like to explain the WHY to just about everything.  I remember always wanting to know why something was the way it was, or why something had to be done, or why was this right there instead of over here...etc.  I found the answer "just because" quite unfulfilling to say the least...I actually hated when someone said "just because".  There HAD to be a reason.  One of the many, many fun things about being a Dad is that you get to do it YOUR WAY NOW!  All that stuff I hated as a child...I don't have to do with MY son.  And in a way, any frustration I felt as a child goes away when I can teach my son certain things that I wanted to know...and never say...."just because".


So on the plane, I started explaining why we had to wear our safety belts...which was pretty easy because he spends his time in a car seat 100% of the time while in the car.  I explained that the airplane would go into the sky...but I wanted him to know why this happened.  I pondered for a minute on how to explain it so his little mind could grasp the concept.  I view such things as a worthy challenge...just the way I am.   I then explained to Daniel how the plane would go really, really fast and it was like feeling the wind against his face when he was running really fast.  "Do you remember feeling the wind in your face when you were running, Daniel?"  "Yes."  "Well, its kind of like that, but the airplane goes, really, really, really, really, really, (insert about 10 more reallys) fast...and there is a lotta, lotta, lotta, lotta wind, and there's sooooo much wind that it pick the airplane up into the air...because that's where the wind comes from."


"It goes up in the sky with the clouds, Daddy!"  "Yes, son...", I said.

"Cause the AIR!" he said.   I couldn't say anything else right then...

Here is another one of those times as a Dad you learn to fight back the tears.   But my son is always one step ahead of me in making them flow.


Here's to the sweetest joy.  Fatherhood.


Keep Dadding!

The Daddy Chronicles: Lesson #1,450 He's sleepy especially when he says he's not.

Driving from the mall the following conversation occurred:

Daddy: "Hey Daniel, you're kind of quiet, son.  Are you sleepy?"


Daniel:  "I'm not sleepy Daddy." (shakes head emphatically)


3 minutes later.....

Lesson:  The degree of your son's sleepiness, is directly proportional to his emphatic denial of said sleepiness. :-)